I was standing on a downtown sidewalk with my cane, probably waiting for the crosswalk signal to change, when someone grabbed my arm and started leading me across the street.
I do not remember the person saying anything first.
Somewhere along the way, they said something like, “I just thought I would help you.”
And I understand that.
I do not doubt that they meant well. I appreciate that they noticed me and wanted to help.
But there was one fairly important problem:
What if I did not want to cross the street?
Maybe I was waiting for someone. Maybe I was listening for traffic. Maybe I was trying to figure out where I was. Maybe I wanted to go in an entirely different direction.
When someone grabs me and begins moving me without asking, they are not simply offering help. They are making a decision about my body, my direction, and what they believe I need without including me in that decision.
You really should not just grab people.
Disability advocates often use the phrase:
Nothing about us without us.
That principle applies to large questions about church leadership, public policy, and accessibility. It also applies to ordinary moments on sidewalks, in stores, at church, and wherever people with disabilities are moving through the world.
Before you help someone who is blind or has low vision, ask.
Good Intentions Are Not the Same as Helpful Actions
Most people who offer assistance are trying to be kind.
I do not want people to become so afraid of doing the wrong thing that they stop noticing one another or refuse to offer help at all.
The goal is not to discourage kindness.
The goal is to make sure that kindness includes consent.
When someone grabs my arm while I am using my cane, several things happen at once.
I may lose track of the route I was following. I may no longer be able to use my cane the way I intended. I may not know who is touching me, why they are moving me, or where they are taking me. Even when the person is guiding me toward something helpful, the sudden contact can be confusing and disorienting.
A cane gives me information.
It helps me identify changes in the ground, steps, curbs, obstacles, and other things I may not see clearly. It also helps me navigate with more confidence.
When someone suddenly takes control of my movement, they interrupt the way I was already gathering information.
Grabbing someone without consent would be inappropriate in almost any other interaction. Disability does not make that boundary disappear.
Start with a Simple Question
The best way to offer help is not complicated.
You can say:
“Can I be of help to you?”
That is usually enough.
You might also say:
“Hi, my name is Travis. Would you like help finding the entrance?”
Or:
“Would it be helpful if I showed you where the curb begins?”
Introducing yourself is helpful because a person who is blind or has low vision may not be able to identify you visually.
It also makes the interaction feel more human.
You are not approaching an anonymous person with a problem. You are introducing yourself to another person and offering assistance.
Then wait for the answer.
Respect the Answer You Receive
Sometimes the answer will be yes.
Sometimes the answer will be no.
A declined offer is not a rejection of your kindness.
There are days when I feel especially confident navigating on my own. I sometimes think of those as good being-blind days. I know where I am going. My cane is giving me the information I need. I feel steady and capable.
On those days, I may decline help because I do not need it.
That does not mean I will never appreciate an offer. It simply means I do not need that particular help in that particular moment.
A person may also decline because they want time to orient themselves, because they already have a plan, or because the assistance being offered is not the assistance they need.
Once someone says no, believe them.
Do not insist.
Do not say, “Are you sure?”
Do not begin helping anyway.
Respect is part of the help.
Ask How the Person Would Like to Be Helped
There is no single correct way to guide every person who is blind or has low vision.
People have different levels of vision, different navigation skills, different bodies, different preferences, and different comfort levels.
Once someone accepts your offer, ask:
“What would be most helpful?”
For me, it is often easiest to follow someone.
I know that may not be the preferred method for every person, but it often works well for me. Having someone walk in front of me gives me a visual reference I can follow, especially in an unfamiliar space.
It may also be helpful for someone to walk beside me.
Other people may prefer to hold a guide’s arm just above the elbow and walk slightly behind them. Some may want verbal directions only. Some may need help identifying a doorway, a seat, or a particular obstacle.
The important thing is not memorizing one technique and using it on everyone.
The important thing is asking and following the person’s lead.
Use Directions That Actually Communicate Something
Vague phrases are rarely helpful.
“Over there.”
“This way.”
“It’s right there.”
“Watch out.”
Those words depend heavily on visual information.
I often cannot see where “there” is.
Specific directions are much more useful:
“The door is about ten feet ahead and slightly to your right.”
“There is one step down in front of you.”
“The sidewalk becomes uneven in a few feet.”
“The chair is directly behind you.”
“The counter is at about two o’clock.”
My daughter, Lorelai, and I have been working on using the clock method.
Imagine that the person is standing in the center of a clock face. Twelve o’clock is straight ahead. Three o’clock is to the right. Nine o’clock is to the left.
So instead of saying, “It’s over there,” Lorelai might tell me:
“It’s at about two o’clock.”
That gives me information I can actually use.
Advance notice is especially helpful.
Telling me that a step is coming before my cane reaches it gives me time to prepare. The same is true for uneven pavement, a narrow doorway, a low branch, or an unexpected change in the path.
The goal is not to narrate every inch of the journey.
It is to offer clear information at the moments when it matters.
Do Not Grab Someone’s Cane
A cane is not luggage.
It is not something to move out of the way, reposition, or take from someone’s hand.
For a person who is blind or has low vision, a cane may be an essential mobility tool. It provides information about the environment and helps the person move safely and confidently.
Taking hold of the cane can interrupt that information and remove control from the person using it.
The same principle applies to other mobility devices.
Do not move a wheelchair, walker, or other device without asking.
Mobility equipment is part of how a person navigates the world. Treat it with the same respect you would give the person using it.
Speak to the Person, Not Around Them
Another common experience for people with disabilities is being treated as though we cannot speak for ourselves.
Someone may direct a question to a sighted spouse, friend, parent, or companion:
“Does he need help?”
“Can she sit here?”
“What does he want?”
The person with the disability may be standing right there.
Not being able to see clearly does not mean I cannot hear, think, answer questions, make decisions, or tell you what I need.
Speak directly to me.
Ask me.
This is another place where “nothing about us without us” becomes very practical.
Do not discuss someone’s needs with another person when the person can answer for themselves.
What Church Greeters Should Know
Church entrances can be uniquely challenging.
Many church greeters and ushers want to be welcoming, but they may not know what to do when someone arrives with a cane or guide dog or appears to have low vision.
You do not need to become an expert in blindness before you can welcome someone well.
Begin by identifying yourself.
“Good morning. I’m Rachel, one of the greeters.”
Then speak directly to the person.
You can offer a bulletin and explain the available formats:
“We have the regular bulletin, a large-print version, and a digital copy. Would one of those be helpful?”
If the person is alone, you might ask:
“Would you like help finding a seat?”
You could also briefly describe the room:
“The sanctuary entrance is straight ahead. There are open seats near the center and along the left aisle.”
Then let the person decide what would be useful.
Do not assume that someone using a cane cannot see anything.
I can navigate fairly well, and I can see many things that people assume I cannot. I use my cane because it gives me more information and helps me move with greater confidence.
And, honestly, it also gives the people around me a clue that if I accidentally bump into someone on my right side, I probably did not mean to.
A cane tells you that a person may navigate differently.
It does not tell you exactly what they can or cannot see.
Accessible Welcome Includes Accessible Worship
A warm greeting at the door matters.
But welcome becomes incomplete when the person enters the sanctuary and cannot read the bulletin, see the screens, follow the hymn numbers, or understand what is happening next.
Churches should think about:
- large-print worship materials
- digital bulletins that can be enlarged
- strong contrast and readable type
- fewer words on projected slides
- spoken explanations of visual information
- consistent verbal cues during worship
- accessible websites and online materials
A person should not have to depend entirely on a sighted companion to participate.
For a fuller guide to worship access, read Disability-Inclusive Worship: A Practical Guide for Churches.
The deeper theological reason for this work is explored in Disability Theology 101: Why Your Church Needs This Conversation.
Do Not Turn Assistance into a Performance
Sometimes helping a person with a disability becomes less about what that person needs and more about the helper wanting to feel helpful.
That can look like insisting after someone has declined.
It can look like taking over a task without asking.
It can look like speaking loudly, using a childish tone, or offering excessive praise for ordinary things.
It can also look like making the interaction public:
“Everybody move! I’m helping this person!”
Most people do not want to become the center of attention simply because they need directions or assistance finding a seat.
Offer help quietly.
Follow the person’s direction.
Then continue treating them like a person rather than a project.
A Few Things to Remember
Before offering help to someone who is blind or has low vision:
Ask before touching.
Do not grab, pull, push, or redirect someone without permission.
Introduce yourself.
Do not assume the person can identify you visually.
Speak directly to the person.
Do not automatically direct questions to a sighted companion.
Respect a no.
A person is allowed to decline help without explaining why.
Ask what would be useful.
Different people prefer different forms of assistance.
Give specific directions.
Replace “over there” with distance, direction, clock positions, or clear descriptions.
Warn about changes in the environment.
Steps, curbs, uneven ground, narrow spaces, and other obstacles are useful to know about in advance.
Do not take control of mobility equipment.
Never grab a cane or move another device without permission.
Remember that low vision varies.
A person may see some things clearly and not others.
Dignity, Consent, and Belonging
The person who grabbed my arm on the sidewalk probably thought they were doing something kind.
I do not tell that story to shame them.
I tell it because good intentions are not always enough.
Real help begins with seeing the other person as someone who has knowledge, agency, preferences, and the right to make decisions about their own body.
The difference between being helped and being handled can be one simple question:
“Can I be of help to you?”
Ask.
Listen.
Respect the answer.
Then help in the way the person says would actually be helpful.
That is not merely good etiquette.
It is a practice of dignity.
It is a practice of consent.
And it is one small way of creating a world—and a church—where people with disabilities are not managed from the outside, but included in every decision that affects us.
Explore more articles and resources through Accessibility and Belonging.
